On Cultivating the Lovely this week, we have a little different show than what we normally do. Our host MacKenzie Koppa's brother, Kaleb, unexpectedly passed away recently, and in light of that, she wanted to honor him and talk a little about how she and her family are coping. MacKenzie is joined by her good friend Chelle Bruzas for this conversation, in which they also share some ideas on how to support someone in the early stages of grief.

• MacKenzie shares what it was like to grow up with her brother having significant physical disabilities, primarily Spina Bifida
• She talks about the strength and courage her parents have had throughout Kaleb’s whole life
• Chelle shares a little of her own family’s story of advocating for her brother when he had leukemia
• MacKenzie shares about Kaleb’s incredibly full life and his ability to find the joy and humor in situations
• The gift that it was for MacKenzie and her children to have so much close time with her brother last year
• How much it meant for their family’s pastor to meet with them and understand their feelings
• Holding the heartbreak along with the mercy of healing and wholeness
• Facing the truth of how hard and ugly grief is instead of throwing platitudes at people
• The ways God has shown His love and provision in the midst of intense difficulty
• MacKenzie talks about her family’s tendency to choose laughter over tears, even in tough times
• She shares how important it is to give others the space to grieve in their own way
• Some practical ways that people have reached out and been a blessing:
  • Just being there to listen
  • Providing meals for the family
  • Giving flowers for the funeral
  • Helping with technology and practical aspects of the service
  • Not being offended when an offer is turned down
• Check back in next week for our more light-hearted episode featuring the Cultivating the Lovely Gift Guide! And here are the link to the gift guides if you would like to view them prior to the show-
• CTL Christmas Gift Guide for Toddlers
• CTL Christmas Gift Guide for Boys
• CTL Christmas Gift Guide for Teen Girls
• CTL Guys Christmas Gift Guide
• CTL Ladies Christmas Gift Guide

Kaleb Koppa

January 29, 1986-November 13, 2019

Kaleb was 33 yrs old when God reached down and scooped him up to heaven. He slipped away in his sleep on Wednesday, November 13th, 2019. Kaleb was born on January 29, 1984, and at the time of his passing lived with his parents, Jeff and Lori Koppa, in Kendall Yards in Spokane, WA. Kaleb is survived by them as well as his older sister, MacKenzie; her four children, Roman, Judah, Emmerson and Elliana; his grandparents Ida Collins, Linda Collins, Jim and Jeannette Koppa; his aunt and uncle Michelle and Rick Pettina and their son, Jackson; as well as many other loving aunts, uncles and cousins.

Kaleb had a life rich in experiences- his disability never held him back from trying new things. Though it was assumed by doctors that he may never walk, by the age of three he could walk confidently, unaided, and he did so until the age of 13 when complications from his Spina Bifida necessitated a wheelchair as his new mode of mobility. As a child he was known for his incredible memory and proficiency with electronics. He was always the guy who took care of all the technological details and foibles of his family. In his youth he acted in plays, water and snow skied, rode horses, and even tried indoor rock climbing. In high school he played on St. Luke’s wheelchair basketball team and participated twice in the Para Olympic Trials for a variety of sports including track, table tennis, weightlifting, and archery. He was even known to command the dance floor at high school dances with his amazing rhythm. After graduating from Mt. Spokane HS, Kaleb went on to receive an AA Degree in Hotel and Restaurant Management from SCC, and worked for a number of years with youth at the YMCA. 

Kaleb is best remembered, however, for his love and care for people and animals. He never realized how inspirational he was to so many and how he made us stop and embrace things we all take for granted. He left an indelible mark on everyone who met him. His infectious smile, contagious laughter, positive outlook, and penchant for doling out hugs to anyone and everyone, were hallmarks of who he was. Though Kaleb endured 24 surgical operations, his body was held together by a litany of rods, screws, bolts, and plates, and he daily faced the struggles inherent of life in a wheelchair, it’s hard to recall him ever complaining. While his body may have been broken, Kaleb was incredibly smart and possessed a sharp wit and sense of humor that, while often dry, always looked for the funny side of life. There were few things as fun as watching him have one of his uncontrollable episodes of laughter, when he would laugh until he cried, and were often brought on by even the smallest, silliest of things. People were drawn to his magnetic personality and his welcoming hugs could soften even the hardest disposition. You just couldn’t help but love his generous, kind spirit.

Special thanks go out to Don and Diane Weber, Donna Scheidt, Woody and Linda Sams, Luke Schwartz, Janice Abramson, Kathy Lipe, Mary Binder, Mary Tangi, Jackelyn Young, and Kendall Gibbs for their help with planning and preparing for the service. Our heartfelt appreciation goes out to the vast number of family and friends who have come so close in support during this difficult time. Thank you all so much.
We would also like to extend thanks to a few key people who had a monumental impact on Kaleb’s life- Theresa Skinner, Dr. Joann Hillary, Tom Johnson, and Tim Olson.

Acts 3:7-8 …Taking him by the right hand, he helped him up, and instantly the man’s feet and ankles became strong. He jumped to his feet and began to walk. Then he went with them into the temple courts, walking and jumping, and praising God…
We cherish our memories of you and will hold you in our hearts forever. We can’t wait to see you again… it’s only a matter of time.
Jeff, Lori, and MacKenzie Koppa

Find MacKenzie-

You can find MacKenzie Koppa on Instagram, Facebook, and the CTL Facebook Group, of course! Join us on Patreon at Patreon.com/CultivatingtheLovely. You can also listen to her family-friendly podcast The Same Page!

Thanks to Our Sponsors-

Cultivating the Lovely is also sponsored by Honey, the smart online shopping assistant. Get Honey for free when you go to joinhoney.com/lovely.

Today’s episode of CTL is brought to you by BioClarity. Right now you can save 40% off the Ultimate Skin Care Bundle, plus 15% off everything else at BioClarity.com when you use coupon code LOVELY at checkout.

CTL is brought to you by Plan to Eat meal planning service. Their big 50% OFF sale is happening from November 29 – December 2, 2019! Visit PlanToEat.com/LOVELY to start your free 60-day trial instead of the normal 30-day trial.

Today on the CTL podcast, we get to listen in on a conversation between MacKenzie and author and speaker Michele Cushatt. Michele is a wife and mother of 6 who has been through the difficulties of single parenting, cancer surgeries, and other kinds of loss. MacKenzie and Michele talk about her new book, Relentless: The Unshakeable Presence of a God Who Never Leave, focussing on keeping our faith amidst life's hardest trials.

(Affiliate links are used in this content.)

• Michele talks a little about how she came to write this book through her own experience of prolonged trials
• The difficulty of holding onto faith when things don't make any sense
• Valuing the process of grappling with your doubts and taking them to God
• The importance of keeping sight of the ways God has been faithful to you in the past to help you get through the hard things in the future
• Michele's strategy for setting up "altar stones" of remembrance
• Why Michele included so much about her father in her own story
• Holding the faith amidst the realization that other believers are probably going to wound us at times
• Having been through our own difficulties help us have grace for other people who are hurting
• Recognizing that we are going to fail, but God will be faithful through it all
• Our deep fear of being aloneness and what it means for our relationship with God
• The importance of creating connections with people who will walk with us through the hard times
• Creating space for others to struggle with their faith by sharing your own vulnerabilities
• Michele's typical daily routine

Current Lovelies-

Michele: enjoying drawing and writing with her new markers in her own style of gratitude journal

MacKenzie: watching Hallmark movies and enjoying decorating her house for Christmas early

Resources Mentioned-

Relentless by Michele Cushatt

Soul-Keeping by John Ortberg

Lord of the Rings Trilogy

Pride and Prejudice

Les Miserables

Find Michele-

You can find Michele at michellecushatt.com, and listen to her podcast, This Undone Life Together. You can also follow her on Facebook, Instagram, Youtube and Twitter.

Find MacKenzie-

You can find MacKenzie Koppa on Instagram, Facebook, and the CTL Facebook Group, of course! Join us on Patreon at Patreon.com/CultivatingtheLovely. You can also listen to her family-friendly podcast The Same Page!

Thanks to Our Sponsors-

Today's episode of CTL is brought to you by Grove. As a CTL listener, you can get a FREE 5-piece Mrs. Meyers fall cleaning set at Grove.co/LOVELY, plus free shipping and a free 60-day VIP trial with your first order.

CTL is brought to you by Plan to Eat meal planning service. Their big 50% OFF sale is coming November 29, 2019! Visit PlanToEat.com/LOVELY to start your free 60-day trial instead of the normal 30-day trial.

Cultivating the Lovely is also sponsored by the Homer reading app. Visit learnwithhomer.com/lovely for a free 30-day trial.

This week on the Cultivating the Lovely podcast, MacKenzie Koppa sits down for a heart to heart chat with her real life friend, author Tricia Goyer. Tricia is a wife and mother of 10, as well as caretaker for her 90-year-old grandmother, aside from being a busy speaker and author. This conversation centers around Tricia's new book The Grumble-Free Year. (Affiliate links are used in this content.)

• How and why Tricia embarked on the big family social experiment that became this book
• Learning to go to God for help with changing attitudes instead of relying on ourselves
• The difference between grumbling about something and being able to share our struggles with people who care
• Choosing to focus on the solutions instead of just the problems
• Acknowledging the hard things instead of trying stuff them inside while still deliberately choosing gratitude
• Pointing out the things our children are doing well instead of picking on the things they are doing wrong
• The power of apologizing and humbling ourselves to admit to our kids when we've messed up
• Being aware of times when grumbling is more likely to happen and getting to the heart of the issue
• Tricia tells the story of the Build-a-Bear incident
• The reward of successfully working as a family to have better attitudes
• Join the Grumble-Free 30 Day Challenge with Tricia during the holidays
• A typical day in Tricia's family right now

Current Lovelies-

Tricia: making time for family dinners on a regular basis

MacKenzie: enjoying doing the Morning Show in the CTL Patreon group again

Resources Mentioned-

Books:

The Grumble-Free Year

Twice-Rescued Child

Find Tricia-

You can find Tricia at triciagoyer.com, and listen to her Walk It Out podcast. You can also follow her on Facebook,Instagram, Pinterest and Twitter.

Find MacKenzie-

You can find MacKenzie Koppa on Instagram, Facebook, and the CTL Facebook Group, of course! You can also listen to her family-friendly podcast The Same Page!

Thanks to Our Sponsors-

Cultivating the Lovely is sponsored by Blume Hug Me deodorant. Get 25% off your first stick, plus free shipping, when you visit Blume.com/Cultivate. 

Hello Fresh meal kit delivery service also sponsored this episode of Cultivating the Lovely. Get 9 FREE meals when you go to HelloFresh.com/CTL9 and use code CTL9 at checkout.

Thanks to VistaPrint for sponsoring this episode of CTL. Get up to 50% Off of holiday photo cards and calendars when you go to VistaPrint.com enter promo code LOVELY50.

Today's episode of CTL is brought to you by BioClarity. Right now you can save 15% off everything at BioClarity.com when you use coupon code LOVELY at checkout.

This week on Cultivating the Lovely, MacKenzie has a chat with author and speaker Gary Thomas about his new book When to Walk Away: Finding Freedom from Toxic People. Gary and his wife of 35 years have three children and live outside of Houston, TX. He has a heart for marriage, family and the church, and that love for people shines through this conversation with MacKenzie.

(Affiliate links are used in this content.)

• How Gary realized this book needed to be written through his own encounter with a toxic person
• Gary shares his heart for marriage while being real about abuse
• The danger of telling others to stay in relationship with toxic people
• Biblical examples of how to deal with toxic relationships
• Challenges from within the church to victims of abuse
• Gary identifies some warning signs that you may be in relationship with a toxic person
  • If someone is stopping you from fulfilling God’s mission for you
  • If someone is destroying your spirit
  • If someone is controlling you
  • If someone is gaslighting you or making you feel crazy
• The crucial importance of having strong Christian friends who can help you deal with toxic relationships
• Gary describes what “gaslighting” is and how to tell if it is happening to you
• The difference between a truly toxic person and someone who is acting in a toxic way but can change
• Why it is crucial to get a counselor to help you with a potentially violent person
• Some advice for singles
• Gary’s typical daily routine

Current Lovelies-

Gary: diffusing essential oils in his office at work

Resources Mentioned-

Books:

When to Walk Away

Podcasts:

The Five

Brainfood/The Knowledge Project

Joe Rogan

Movies:

About Time

Find Gary-

You can find Gary at garythomas.com. You can also follow him on Facebook, Pinterest, and Twitter.

Find MacKenzie-

You can find MacKenzie Koppa on Instagram, Facebook, and the CTL Facebook Group, of course! You can also listen to her family-friendly podcast The Same Page!

Thanks to Our Sponsors-

CTL is brought to you by Plan to Eat meal planning service. Their big 50% OFF sale is coming November 29, 2019! Visit PlanToEat.com/LOVELY to start your free 60-day trial instead of the normal 30-day trial.

This week’s episode is also sponsored by EverlyWell. For 15% OFF you own at home lab test kit, go to EverlyWell.com/LOVELY and enter code LOVELY at checkout.

Today’s episode of CTL is brought to you by Policy Genius. Go to PolicyGenius.com to find the right coverage for you and your family.